Dating previously abused women
I am a social work scholar whose research focuses on the problems of dating and domestic violence.My colleague Deborah Anderson and I, as well as other researchers, have published reviews of many studies of the barriers women face in leaving abusers. Not surprisingly, lack of material resources, such as not having a job or having limited income, is a strong factor.This is because previously she was laughed at, or worse, scoffed at because of the yellowish color of her teeth. She was made to feel like she wasn't worth the second glance.This is because she was looked at like one day he realized she wasn't as beautiful as he thought. You'll find her trying everything she can to keep y'all together.
The psychological reasons women stay are naturally less visible, making it hard for many to understand and sympathize with victims. I walked away from that relationship a shell of the person I was when I went into it…I had to take an extended leave from graduate school because I was depressed and unable to complete the work.” Leaving is often a complex process with several stages: minimizing the abuse and trying to help the abuser; coming to see the relationship as abusive and losing hope the relationship will get better; and, finally, focusing on one’s own needs for safety and sanity and fighting to overcome external obstacles.
Professionals often insist on corroboration from official reports without giving any credence to victim reports. Less than half of domestic abuse survivors make reports to the police or health care workers.
In our studies examining attitudes – including those of police officers, judges, nurses and physicians – victim-blaming and a reluctance to believe women’s reports of victimization were closely tied to sexist views.
This is because she carries the burden in the back of her mind that 'maybe if I tried a little harder, maybe if I dressed up more, maybe if I didn't spend as much time with him then he would have stayed'.
That doesn't mean that she would rather be with him than you, but it does mean that she blames herself. She's terrified that you will cause her to break again after she has tried so hard to put herself back together.