Who is tailor made dating
The other day, I was sitting at dinner with a few friends when one of them received a text message from a man she’d had drinks with a few times.He was reaching out to ask her to get together again, but she wasn’t interested.“Looks like it’s time for an EMG,” she said.“Huh?“She agreed, and then I had to make up another excuse because I didn’t actually have a weird distant cousin visiting me.”In other, slightly more positive plot-twists, my research also uncovered a few people whose failed EMGs resulted in long-term relationships:“A girl I barely knew asked me if I wanted to go to a wedding with her and I said no, suggesting instead that she help me move out of my fourth-floor walk-up into a fifth-floor walk up,” one woman told me. I wasn’t interested in her at all, but I wasn’t going to turn down free help. Now we’re married.”Regardless of their outcome, the frequency with which people offer an EMG instead of a straightforward dismissal raises a number of interesting questions about how dating culture is evolving.She took a day off work and helped me move, and we ended up dating for two years.”“I thought I wasn’t interested in a girl I was seeing, so to put the breaks on our momentum I suggested getting together for an activity she was guaranteed to refuse: cleaning out my parents’ attic,” a man told me. As an explanation for why this approach is so common, one person suggested that “maximum credit for minimum effort is always appealing.” It is also, dare I say it, very millennial.” I said.“Empty Magnanimous Gesture,” she responded matter-of-factly.“It’s when you’re trying to avoid seeing someone but you don’t want to be rude by straight-up rejecting them, so instead you make them a counteroffer for a plan you know they won’t be able to — or won’t want to — agree to.”I laughed at the idea of using this strategy so consciously that it merited an acronym, but I also had to admit it was one I’d probably employed myself on numerous occasions to avoid saying yes to something while still getting credit for making an effort.on a Wednesday,” one woman told me.“One time someone asked me on a coffee date and I asked if he wanted to come with my friends and me to a trampoline park the following week instead,” another said.“He refused.”Of course, to a somewhat amusing extent, EMGs are not a foolproof method of date-dodging.
This can be especially so due to the availability of dating apps, with the lack of knowing about your date which can create uncertainty and even fear. At Relationships Matter Austin, we have experienced counselors who can help you identify what you truly want out of a date and a relationship down the road.
I heard from multiple people who offered up absurd alternative plans under the expectation of being rejected, only to then face the prospect of actually going through with them when the other person agreed.“I suggested a hike in two-foot-deep snow,” one woman told me.
“He was totally down.”“I asked a girl if she wanted to hang out with me and my weird distant cousin who was visiting from out of town,” another said.
As dating apps and text messaging make it easier than ever to ask someone out, and the fallout of simply ghosting (hurt feelings, misinterpretation, lack of closure) becomes increasingly more guilt-inducing, are Empty Magnanimous Gestures a viable means of turning someone down gently? “Literally all the time when I was single,” a woman told me via Instagram message.
“I have the hardest time just saying ‘no’ or ‘I’m not interested’ because I’m so scared people will take it personally.”“I do this all the time,” another said.